You know, it's not just that I expect people *can* change. I expect that they *will* change...that they are capable of changing and will simply do so...but this is not consistantly true. What I do or say or think has little effect on this property. So, when I think someone is being abusive towards me...I just get mad, because a (probably subconscious) part of my brain thinks that my anger will will cause or be a catalyst to cause someone to change and not do that anymore. This is even less consistantly true.

I want those I love to be who they are..but if who they are is someone who doesn't respect me, how can I live with that?


I grew up hearing from my father that I was intellegent, attractive and worth something. I know not a lot of the people around me had that...but I don't think about it very often. I think of everyone I love like that...like that's what they are, and that they surely must know it and have been told so many times. I think that's why I'm aggressive with them. I don't want them to attack me, I just want them to prove me right...and for them to think the same of me, so I can prove them right.